The view of Manhattan was breathtaking as my plane made its descent into New York 
City. I was there attending the National Coalition of Girls’ Schools Conference, a global forum dedicated to discussing the important issues surrounding girls’ education. The event was a premiere destination for those passionate about girls’ education. Educators and advocates from all over the world came to spend several days talking about issues close to their hearts. Attendees flooded into the beautiful event room, buzzing with excitement as the first keynote speaker was about to begin her speech. None other than Gloria Steinem—writer , political activist, and feminist organizer—took the stage to kick off the conference. She focused on the revolutionary power of educating girls around the world. Gloria’s keynote remarks hit on the importance of creating international communities of collective global activism.
Next, I attended a panel lead by Tara Christie Kinsey (Head of School at the Hewitt School in New York) and Rachel Simmons (author of the New York Times bestsellers Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls, and The Curse of the Good Girl: Raising Authentic Girls). The two touched on the myth of “Effortless Perfectionism,” how this harms girls, and what schools can do to stop it. “Effortless Perfectionism ” is the idea that women need to be smart and maintain good grades, all while remaining well-rounded, pretty, desirable, well-liked, nice and polite—and that they should accomplish all of this without any visible effort. If that tall order isn’t enough to make anyone break down in exhaustion, I don’t know what is.
Kinsey and Simmons explained that since the dawn of the women’s rights movement, a woman’s role in society hasn’t evolved so much as it has expanded. The pressure to do the most and be the best—without stepping on toes and while appearing to be completely natural and effortless—is causing the girls in our schools to burn out. Women are not only expected to succeed in many areas—they are expected to succeed at the highest level.
As Tara pointed out, these girls are achieving—but at what cost? There were many takeaways from the discussion that followed, but one that stuck with me the most was that schools need to be doing all they can to catch the fruit before it falls. High-achieving women are experiencing stress and anxiety at monumental levels, and much of the time we are rewarding them for it. Girls are going into college at full steam, unable to slow down, and they are soon buried under their responsibilities, unable to distinguish between their needs and wants. It is essential that we be able to point to this issue, name it, and discuss it for what it is.
So how does one combat Effortless Perfectionism? What can schools do to address an issue that is trickling all the way down to the lower school level? Tara explained that the first step is critical inquiry. We must research this topic and gather information on the phenomenon that is Effortless Perfectionism. This way we can produce understanding and ideas for solutions. Next, young women need to be reminded of the difference between “need to do” and “want to do” when looking at their to-do lists. Equally important is the need for institutional messaging and modeling within schools. Tara suggests telling counter-narrative stories when talking with students. It’s just as important to talk openly about failures and mistakes as it is to discuss successes. Young people need to understand that leaders do not just appear in their roles, never having hit a bump along the way. Only telling stories of success can make goals seem unattainable and make the listener feel unworthy. It is important to be authentic. Young women deserve to be navigating their own destinies instead of riding in the passenger seat.
Check back next week for part two of Emily’s reflections from the conference.
Image credit: Pixabay